poem.

I've never wrote a poem that didn't start out Roses are Red and Violets are Blue until it was given to me as an assignment, and sadly I didn't so much feel as though that was an appropriate opening line. 

As we sat together as group discussing the week's overview our leader asked us to think of one characteristic we would like to pursue for the week.  At first I had no idea what to say.  Then the word popped into my head, and as I was called on I said:  "Vulnerability.  I want to be vulnerable to God's will for my life.  To not let my self and my flesh stand in the way of His will."  Soon after we were instructed to take that word and write a poem.  Initially the thought intimidated me, but as I sat down to begin the words started flowing...

                                                                    VULNERABLE

What my spirit wants the most, my flesh wants the least.

To be laid out and vulnerable, changed so to speak.

Lord, I know in my heart this is a part of your plan

And I know you will be there to hold my hand.

But what’s hardest for me is to be completely free

Defenseless, exposed, down on my knees

But for you I will be all the things that I’m not

Fore without you I’d be closed off and ultimately rot.

So here I am arms wide open and ready

Tender, unguarded, and not so steady

Break me down, I surrender to you

I want to die to myself and be made new.

To be made new in the attitude of my mind

To have everything in me you want to find.

To put on the new self, created like you

Clothed in righteousness, holiness, all within the truth.

Thus, I cannot see what you will find

Buried deep within me, that allows me to shine

Maybe vulnerable itself isn’t so bad

For otherwise I would have never known these gifts that I’ve had.

God's love for me.

Last week Wednesday as a ministry we were given the opportunity to go speak at a local high school.  The girls and guys split up to talk about different topics.  Seeing that it was the day after Valentines Day we thought we would talk about love....God's love for us. :) I'd like to share with you what I shared with those girls:

"As I was preparing what to say to you this morning I decided to look up the definition of love.  Did you know that it isn’t until the second example of the fourth reference that it mentions anything about God?  Isn’t that a little sad?  Our God, the one who ultimately created this thing called love isn’t even referenced until almost the second paragraph of this word's definition.  So basically, when you go to look up love in the dictionary you will find 3 long definitions that talk about affection for one another, attraction, tenderness, admiration, assurance, enthusiasm, devotion, loyalty…and then FINALLY under definition four point B you have – a person’s adoration of God.  Adoration? Is that all we have to describe the biggest gift that’s been given to us of all times by our almighty God and Father?

 I will say I think love is tricky.  I feel as though we have to fully understand it in order to fully appreciate and accept it.  And I think before we try and love someone else or accept someone else’s love we have to be able to accept God’s love and to be confident in our relationship with him and really know how much he truly does love us.  

Loving myself is something that I personally struggled with for a really long time, and still today its something I continue to work on.  But I remember when I first came into realization that I didn’t at all love myself…I remember thinking “ How am I ever going to really love another person if I can’t even figure out how to love myself?”  Before I could love myself I needed to understand how much  God loved me.  So I prayed about just that.  I prayed that God would show me how much he loved me and that I would see myself just as he did.  That I would love myself.

One day as I was reading the ever so popular love verse in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, you know “love is patient, love is kind” the one you always hear at weddings and such.  However, instead of focusing on the word love, I replaced it with God.  Because God is love.  And I wanted to focus solemnly on the love between God and I.  I will read it to you that way, and as I do I want you to  just think about Him loving you.  “God is patient, God is kind.  He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not prideful.  He is not rude, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs.  God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  He always protects, he always trusts, he always hopes, and he always preserves.  God never fails.” Now doesn’t that make you feel so warm and treasured on the inside?   God loves us more than we can ever fathom or imagine and sometimes the hardest part is to simply be able to accept that love.  But once we do, we will never want to let it go, for he will shine so brightly through us and then we can love others from the love that’s within us.  So I just encourage you today to spend time with God and allow him to show you how much he loves you, I promise you won’t regret it."

As these girls stared blankly back at me waiting for the bell to ring so they could be freed, I wondered which one of these girls needed to hear just this?  There's no better feeling than being in a rough patch in life and all the sudden out of the blue you feel like God is speaking to you through something or somebody.  I think THAT is the ultimate feeling of being loved.  So I wonder, was it one, two, five or none?  I will never know but I can only pray that it was every single one.

arise.

Good Tuesday Morning!

As I sit down to write this blog, I have already had morning bible study with the girls I live with, discussing James chapter 4.  I love that chapter simply because it reminds us to seek God, and in doing so the devil will flee from us.  And not to boast in tomorrow, ,for tomorrow is not promised.  Make today count.  So thats exactly what I plan to do on this Valentine's Day.  Make it count.

This past week has flown by yet again.  I have never had the priveledge of spending so much time with Jesus and studying his word in all of my life, and I absolutely love it.  I can already feel that he is doing some marvelous work in me.  On this past Sunday three of us went to a local nursing home here to provide church service for the elderly.  Now let me just say,  I love old people.  I always have, they are so full of wisdom.  And although I was still quiet nervous even when more than half of the crowd I was speaking to was sleeping, this is what I shared:

Good morning, my name is Abby Scherf and I’ve been at off the wall for a little over a week now.  I’m originally from Jefferson City, Missouri.  I’m so excited to see what God has in store for my stay here and to figure out exactly why he wanted to lead me all the way to Ohio to do so!

Today I wanted to share with you one of my favorite life verses, it was the first bible verse that ever grasped my heart about 2 and ½ years ago around the time I was saved.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.”  Now let me tell you, I am a planner by nature.  My mother is an avid planner and always reminding me that I too need a plan, whether it’s just a plan for the day, a plan for the year, or a plan for my entire life.  So we’ll just say planning is something I do quite well.  And although I do this quite well and enjoy it, it still has a way of driving me crazy, and the down side of it is that it becomes difficult to live in the moment.   You are always racing to the next thing on your list, which is therefore the next thing in life.  So consequently it would be safe to say I have a love-hate relationship with planning.  Now, when I heard that verse I immediately felt affection and warmth in my heart.  Was it true that the almighty Lord cared for little ole’ me? You mean he has a plan for my life and I don’t need to worry about all this so much?  And well, if he has a plan for me, then it must be a great one, because I know that God is the creator of everything good.   I still remind myself of this frequently; it makes me feel so loved and helps me to live in the present and to cease every moment given to us by the grace of God.   Looking back over those past 2 and ½ years God has done some amazing transformations in my life, he really does have a plan for me …all I had to do was give him the reigns and hand over my life towards his purpose for me.  The greatest decision I’ve ever made.

Just a few days after arriving here I decided to go for my first run in Ohio.  I wanted to get out and see the scenery and just clear my mind.  As I was running along listening to music and praying to God I came upon a church and on the church’s sign read Jeremiah 29:12.  “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”  It was like the second half of my life verse.  And it was then that the first sigh of confirmation slid into my heart… that I was exactly where God wanted me to be.  And simply the sweetness of knowing that everything I pray he hears and he wants to grant me.  He wants to give me the desires of my heart merely because he loves me and he delights in me.  How beautiful is that?  As I got home from my run I opened up my bible to look at those verses and soon realized that I also loved the 13^th verse of that chapter , so I then decided that those 2 verses would be the verses I cling onto while I’m on this journey here in cold Ohio.  Jeremiah 29:12-13 “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Now, I didn't recieve any special reactions from sharing this, in fact there may have been a yawn or two...and even some awkward moments of silence as I looked up from the podium when finished.  But I had prayed about what to say to these ladies and gentlemen, and I felt that Jesus laid those exact words and verses on my heart to share with them and I love that.  I can only hope that I spoke a word or two of hope to someone out there.  Amen.

the beginning of something new.

Wow, where do I even begin?  Well first I must say that I have been procrastinating writing this for awhile because the thought of an online journal to any and all was a bit overwhelming, but I finally came to a point where I could no longer avoid it, as I have promised to many family and friends to keep them updated on this journey, therefore I must start.  And as I sit down at the kitchen table, with my cup of coffee and the snow falling heavily outside and piano sounding in the other room I realize, what a perfect atmosphere to begin something new....

My name is Abby Scherf and I'm from Jefferson City, Missouri.  Recently God has lead me on a new journey that has taken me to Sugarcreek, Ohio, where I currently reside.  It is through a ministry called Off the Wall, which is a ministry geared towards producing passionate disciples of Jesus Christ.  But allow me to back track a bit and tell you how I got here.

I was born into a loving Christian family, and baptized as an infant in the Catholic Church.  My memories of church and Sunday school as a child are sweet and charming.  As I grew up I went through a lot of trials and tests which caused me to venture away from the church for a long while.  When I returned it was through a dear friend whom invited me and on a whim I decided to attend.  It was a completely different church than what I was accustomed to, so at first I was overwhelmed but something about it intrigued me and I wanted to know more.  In time I attended again and it was shortly thereafter Jesus spoke to my heart, pulling those strings ever so tightly.  I raised my hand to claim him as my Lord and Savior.  The best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

The road was still a bit rocky from there, but I saw a light, and as I continued on that path the light was getting brighter and brighter...I knew the way, now I just had to follow it.  These were some of the hardest seasons of my life, saying no to the world and yes to Jesus.  A road not often traveled.  But after each and every turn eventually the road became less bumpy.

I decided in April of 2011 to get re-baptized after returning home from my first local missions trip.  I had been attending the church regularly for almost 2 years at this point, but the mission trip planted a new seed in my heart.  I knew I had been baptized as a child, but I wanted to do something to wash away the old life I had lived, and to dedicate my everything to the Lord for his plans and purpose for me and I felt I needed to be the one to make that decision and to make it known.  There is no better feeling than having that guilt wash off of you like water and to be made new and pure in Jesus Christ.

A mission trip was something that went from being on my "bucket list" to something my heart deeply desired and wanted more of.  So I started praying to God about just that.  I started out like most do, thinking "okay I'll do a week in Mexico."  An out of the country short term trip seemed like the logical next step.  But then God decided to bring into my life a new friend.  Her name is was Whitney, and she introduced me to a whole new world.  I had never heard of programs such as YWAM or Off the Wall and eventually she would tell me about both.  While I had felt just fine about committing to my week in Mexico, there was also a part of me that wanted more.  Then one of the most incredible things happened as she told me about these ministries, I knew with everything in my heart this was exactly what God wanted me to do, and I had never felt so sure of something before in all my life.

At first, I jumped at the idea of going to somewhere warm with a beach, I mean why not right?!  But then God pressed in my heart that he wanted to bring me somewhere opposite of where my flesh might leap to go.  And that was to the cold...snowing... Amish country ...of Ohio.  For those of you who know me well are laughing at this very moment, for you know I'm quite "city" over "country".  And I hate the cold.  This alone should be a testify of how much I love Jesus. 

Once I decided to go, it was amazing to watch God work and provide through his people.  I couldn't of done it without the amazing support system he gave me.  When you give it all to him he will be sure to work in miraculous ways.  So often its so hard for us to be able to do just that.  We must remind ourselves to give it all to the Almighty One who loves us all so very much.  I'm so blessed to be on this journey I am on, a part of me doesn't even feel worthy to be able to have the opportunity to take this time to fall more in love with Jesus...I am so thankful.  Amen.